Study: Warm Weather Decreases Parents’ Urge to Murder Own Kids

killing own kidsA new study released by the University of Wisconsin last week confirms what many people already believed was true; warmer weather makes you significantly less likely to think about killing your own children. The study was conducted as part of an effort to understand whether or not parental mood swings were the main factor in parents’ anger towards their children, or if it was poor behavior by the child. “What we found from the study was that it was actually neither,” said lead researcher Liam Purdy. “We found that the seasons, and ultimately weather was the biggest factor.” Murphy explains that kids being inside all the time, whether they are behaving appropriately or not, drives parents crazy. “I think the confined spaces, the constant mess, and the noise, eventually wears parents down, and they act out in frustration and anger. They also start to question why they had kids, and many who may have been considering having more kids, reconsider.” The study is good news for parents wondering why they have been harboring such hate for their kin the last couple of months. “I started questioning every parenting decision I ever made,” said Stapleton parent Amanda McFarlane. “Were my kids the worst kids in the world? It certainly seemed like it, being inside with them all the time. And if they are terrible kids, as it seemed they were, that is certainly a reflection of our parenting efforts.” Other area parents agree the study comes as somewhat of a relief. “With the cold weather, we were inside a lot the last several weeks,” said Michael Jepsen. “And most of those days and nights, I was ready to blow. Why were they yelling? Why were the fighting? I have to make this stop. I must make this stop. So, finding out that everyone goes through this when they are stuck inside makes me feel a little better. I guess misery does love company.” Denver weather has warmed up considerably, and appears it will continue to do so, which is welcome news for Stapleton’s many parents. “The last week, we were able to get outside quite a bit, with the kids running around and not right in my ear the whole time,” said Erika Ortner. “I absolutely feel like I love them again, and no longer want them out of my house forever.” Murphy says there is no prescription for the anger that comes with kids being inside your house constantly during cold weather. “There is really no counseling or prescription medication that will help. The only thing you can do is drink heavily, and be patient. Very, very patient.” Serenity now, serenity now. ]]>

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