Report: Yellow Liquid on Door Probably Not Urine

liquid on house not urineIn a recent study conducted by lab experts at the University of Colorado and paid for by the Stapleton MCA, the study indicated that although there may be something that looks like urine on your doorstep, more than likely, it is not. “We went to hundreds of homes in Stapleton and took samples of any liquid that could remotely be confused with urine,” said study author professor Jason Sword. “We analyzed all of these samples, and none contained any of the characteristic properties of urine. We came to the conclusion that any likelihood of someone throwing urine at random homes in Stapleton is extremely low at best. It would be more likely to have a small meteorite hit a home, in fact.” The MCA conducted the study after receiving complaints from a handful of residents about the possibility of urine being thrown on their homes. “People can handle a scooter getting taken, or even a package getting stolen off the front steps,” said new MCA President Paul Harris. “But, desecrating a home in this vile fashion is not acceptable to anyone. Most of my new efforts with the MCA involve security, and we take it very seriously. If someone was going around our neighborhood throwing urine at homes, we would find out who was responsible and put a stop to it.” Ultimately researchers determined that some homes did have a yellowish liquid on their doors, but this was drippings from wreaths they had hanging on their doors. “Let this be a lesson, however,” said Harris. “Stapletonians don’t want pee on our doorsteps. And we will stop at nothing to determine if it is pee, and if it is…well, just don’t put pee on our homes.”]]>

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