Stapleton Man Achieves Near Enlightenment After Box Cutter Purchase

Bobby Travillian never thought a late night trip to Walmart could change his life, but after our interview with the local Stapleton family man, it’s clear he has all but achieved a state of near enlightenment. “I was just there for milk and eggs and figured I’d swing through the tool aisle on my way out” Travillian, 39, said of the night in question.  He continued, “I had no intention of buying anything, just doing my usual fantasizing about various unfinished projects – then I spotted the box cutter.  Figured I’d give it a shot.” Upon arriving home, Bobby confronted the pile of Amazon and Toys-R-Us boxes that had assumed a stranglehold on his garage in the weeks since Christmas.  This mountain of cardboard was made even more hopeless due to Stapleton’s miniscule recycle bins and limited pickup schedules. “Picking this crap up once every two weeks is bad enough, but then that one morning when you forget to put it out and you hear the recycle truck rumble by?  It’s just heartbreaking”, Travillian added shaking his head. So, box cutter in hand, he began.  Within minutes, the whole pile of boxes was reduced to a couple manageable piles of two foot long cardboard strips.  They scarcely took up a third of his recycle bin. Bobby sat down in his garage and cried tears of joy.  He slayed the beast. Upon further questioning, Bobby related, “Oh sure, I’ve used steak knives before, but there is simply no comparison.  The satisfying click as you adjust the razor into the perfect position, the feel of pushing the blade into the box, the effortless motions required to break down an oversized box into tiny pieces – the box cutter is truly a tool to behold.  The whole experience is so pleasurable – it’s almost sexual.” “And I just felt so much power, so much control over my surroundings for once,” Bobby concluded, with glassy eyes and a reverence in his voice that made it clear he’d moved on to another plane of existence.]]>

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