Forrest City Predicts “Shades of Gray” Baby Boom In Stapleton

Stapleton is already overcrowded with young children to the point where people are already demanding a fourth and fifth elementary school to accommodate the needs of the community. Forrest City statistician Eric Lewis is expecting things to get worse before they get better. “A lot of families were done having kids, or at least they thought,” said Lewis. “There are many book clubs all over Stapleton, and many of those clubs have been reading the NY Times Best Seller Fifty Shades of Gray. We are predicting that families with two kids will have three in the next year, and families with three kids will soon have four. These “surprise babies” or unplanned pregnancies we are calling “Shades of Gray babies.” Gallup polling shows that sex in Stapleton is up 286%, and that is just between husbands and wives. Women are initiating an astounding 88% of the current sex, compared with 24% prior to the Fifty Shades of Gray epidemic. “I am not sure if there is a connection or not,” says Stapleton wife Erin Sauer. “I know that me and a lot of friends have enjoyed the book.” Men have enjoyed the unintended consequences of a book a majority of men have not read. “Suddenly she seems attracted to me,” says Stapleton dad Eric Retzlaff. “It is a confusing but nice feeling.” All of this extra activity increases the possibility of unplanned pregnancies explains Lewis. “Women are not very responsible,” says Lewis. “If their husband has not been ‘fixed’, some are likely to forget to take their pill, and bam, another Stapleton child.” Lewis says men should enjoy this while it lasts, as the vampire books came and went as well. “Although a bigger phenomenon among married women than the Twilight novels, Fifty Shades of Gray will soon fade to black, and men will be back to begging to give naked backrubs and many will be too busy preparing for yet another Stapleton baby.” ]]>

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  1. If there is a baby boom, at least they will grow up in a neighborhood that respects their sidewalks, and protects them from abusive children with destructive chalk art tendencies.
    If I may suggest: revenues could be raised by taxing lemonade stands and erecting sidewalk toll booths for wagons & tricycles.

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