Study: 67% of Stapletonians on Tinder

tinderStapleton enjoys lots of nicknames: Gaypleton, Divorcleton, and Swingerton. Stapleton legend has it that a gnome in your front yard means you’re a swinger. This analog way of communication is now obsolete as the smart phone app, Tinder, is sweeping across Stapleton. Tinder, Grindr’s straight cousin, allows users to find people near them who they may be interested in “dating.” Users create a profile by posting a few selfies (usually taken while in the bathroom or driving) and 400 words about themselves (usually how they like hiking, aren’t on Tinder for hookups, and are ready for life’s next adventure). The latest version of the app now has a Stapleton specific option where “singles” can look for only Stapletonions. The app links directly to your Facebook account and imports your likes. So, users who like the Stapletonion are presumed to be Stapleton residents. Tinder users usually text through the app for a few hours or days and then set up a date. Anyone who has been to the Berkshire lately has noticed the large uptick in first dates. These are almost all Tinder dates. Though the obvious point of Tinder is to facilitate casual sex, users still seem to feel obligated to go on at least one date before introducing each other to the best (or worst) parts of their bodies. With the addition of the Stapletonians location feature on the app, approximately 67% of Stapletonions are now on Tinder. This has killed demand for gnomes, which has devastated local gnome salesman, Justin Taylor. “I used to hand craft 10 to 20 gnomes per week for Stapletonians. Now, I’m down to two or three and they’re usually for kids. I guess it’s good that people can hook up so easily now, but it’s definitely bad for business.” Some Stapleton residents, calling themselves the thirty-three percenters, don’t like this new Tinder trend. “I spent ten years working hard not to cheat on my wife,” Fred Beatty told us recently. Now my wife is surely on Tinder, which is cool, I guess, but what am I supposed to do now?” Technologies come and go. How long will the Tinder trend last? “Hopefully forever,” Tessie Becker says. “I love my husband – he’s great to cuddle with, take out the trash, and go on vacation with. And, he’s the father of my children. But, a woman has needs, too. One of those needs is variety. Spice of life and everything.” ]]>

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