The old well-intentioned rules posted at Stapleton’s pocket parks have become too long, stale, outdated, and cumbersome. The Stapleton MCA has taken down the old signs and replaced them with signs that are more direct, yet explain the rules very clearly. The “Don’t Be Douchey” signs will help residents police themselves when at the pocket parks. For example, if there are 30 kids running around in the middle of the park, probably the non-douchey move is to keep control of your dog by leash or other measures. If there are few people at the park, it’s not that douchey at all to let your dog run free. There are no scenarios where not cleaning up after your dog is not douchey. The Stapletonion has listed a few general rules below that are common sense, but give you a strong understanding of how to behave and not behave while at one of the many pocket parks:
- Are there any public places are you allowed to sell things without a permit? Seriously, don’t be a douche.
- We really don’t care if you skateboard. Just don’t be a douche about it. We don’t want you inline skating, as you can’t inline skate without looking like a douche.
- If you leave your sh#t overnight here, it will be stolen or thrown away by morning, you forgetful douche.
- Do drugs BEFORE coming to the park. Don’t be a douche and do them at the park.
- Only complete douches from Aurora litter. If you want to litter, move east a half a mile you lazy douche.
- We don’t care about glass bottles. We care about clumsy douches that break glass bottles.
- Don’t start fires, but by all means shoot off fireworks. The only people that don’t like fireworks are absolute douches.
- Gambling is great. Gamble all you want, but we highly recommend not betting that the Buffs will cover the spread this year. If you do that, you will be one poor douche.